Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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