i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
