And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was like eating out sand paper
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
