If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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