i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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