I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
