And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
