My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
