sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
