your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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