in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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