A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
