i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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