you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
