Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
