After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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