I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
