mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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