I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a beard to bite.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
