Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
