Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
