THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
