I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
