ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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