Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
