i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
