Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
