I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
