Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
