Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
