And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
