theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is wine microwaveable?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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