Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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