I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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