so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
