woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need to align my fucking chakras
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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