U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
