Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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