Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
