....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
