Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
