Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
