I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
