May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
