no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
