Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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