kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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