addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
