Dual....:-)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
