I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
