Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
